Iter (The Journey)

Broken down

I am always trying to make a schedule that will keep me and the family on track each day. I juggle the tasks and rearrange the chores: Exel, Word, notebooks and scrap paper. Sometimes when I cannot sleep at night, I turn on the light next to my bed and grab my notebook to jot down my thoughts to help me in the morning:

If I get up an hour earlier, I would be able to add____to my schedule. Then I'd have to put _____ into the afternoon so that I could do_____ earlier in the evening, and then I'd have to get to bed earlier.

Let's see. If I were to use this other exercise program in the morning, maybe I could cut 15 minutes out of my routine. What if I were to do those exercises in the afternoon just before I went outside to do the chores? Would I have time to get my shower in and make supper before it was time to leave for AWANA?

I think I need to ....

And on and on it goes. Even after juggling and struggling, my schedule stays close to being the same right now:

Rise around 7 (earlier if I can make my feet hit the floor). Devotions, feed cats and stove, dress, and exercise. Breakfast.
Family devotions around 8 (if Jacob is back from doing his farm chores in time).
Household chores; make meals for the day.
School.
Lunch.
School.
Oops! It's getting dark outside. Gotta check that pregnant heifer before we loose the light.
Finish up that Latin assignment; shower. Supper on the table...
Evening activities.
Read. Sleep.

Deep sleep.
Up at 7 (hopefully earlier). Exercise, cats, stove, devotions...

5 days straight until Saturday comes and I can get up and then I try to get the house cleaning done. It seems as though I really struggle to keep up my energy on Saturday. I'd like to make my house comfortably neat and clean, but I just can't push myself to get more done. Sometimes I rest on Saturday and by Sunday afternoon I feel like doing some work.

And then there is the transcript I need to finish and the course descriptions I've not done; gotta visit that college soon, and we need those done!

I need to get the swing off the back deck and into the garage for the winter.

Better bring some more meat up from the freezer to thaw.

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I use to be a person who loved the beauty of nature. I loved the plants in my garden and the birds building nexts in the trees around me. I watched the sunset and Venus in the morning and evening sky. Each night I walked outside to see what the skies were like. I sewed and knitted many of my clothes. I made soap and potions and lotions. I read. And read.

Who am I? Can I return to whom I was back then--or perhaps become someone even stronger and better because of the life I've lived these last few years? Will the ups and downs, the pain and sorrow, the laughter and love make me a person with more to give and more to share?

I hope so.

I'm weary.

Maybe I'll start again tomorrow being me.

Then again, maybe not.

:-) Jean